Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Time for a drive-by baptism.

I think it's time for a good, ol'-fashioned watergun fight! (Image credit: Hasbro, Nerf)

Just about everyone and their mothers are against Florida evangelical church leader Terry Jones' plans to burn copies of the Quran on the anniversary of 9/11 [NPR].

According to the Religious News Service Blog, protesters include the Vatican, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Attorney General Eric Holder, and actress Angelina Jolie.

I am generally against book burning. I think book burners are assholes. Remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when the Nazis are burning books, and Indy goes to save his father's Grail Diary? Yeah. Evil jerks burn books.

I don't like defacing any kind of book, either. I mean, I make the occasional pencil notes in the margins, maybe add a post-it note, but that's about it. Heck, I got upset in high school when I lent a friend my copy of Le Petit Nicolas, and it came back frayed and dog-eared at the end of the school year.

I am especially respectful of reference books and sacred texts. You don't mess with that sort of knowledge.

Terry Jones is being an asshole with this 9/11 anniversary stunt. It accomplishes nothing, and it's horribly unethical. Spare the air, and love thy [Muslim] neighbor, Minister Asshole.

This calls for a water fight. Epic. Massive. Protesters should arm themselves with fire hoses, garden hoses, water guns, water balloons, a bucket brigade, and maybe a sprung fire hydrant as the infrastructure allows. How about a couple RC helicopters to drop water balloons? Let's get those protesting strippers from that Ohio church to shoot waterguns, too, and it'll all devolve into a wet t-shirt contest!

Think about it! It would be so perfect if everyone just cleaned out the shelves of their local big-box store and showed up to bombard Terry Jones and company. All those summer water toys are on clearance sale anyway, right? Wet the briquettes, take away their lighter fluid, and dump water on the bigots. Like a drive-by baptism.

1 comment:

  1. Good thing I just saved the remaining 4 super soakers from "the house" then. Now to find me some local protesting strippers to start a super soaker war with.