Thursday, July 22, 2010

He's just not that into you.

This isn't a religious post, per se, but I've been playing relationship therapist a little more than I'd like lately. I need a frying pan with the words, "He's just not that into you," painted on it.

I haven't read the book. I didn't even know there was a movie. I don't think I need to add either of those to my lists, in fact. However, I think a lot of relationship drama can be explained with some form of "He's just not that into you."

Look at Ophelia and Hamlet, for example. "Get thee to a nunnery"? Oh, honey, he's just not that into you.

Every child of the 80s and 90s probably knows of Eponine's unrequited love for Marius in Les Misérables, giving all musical theater geek girls the sometimes-banned audition song, "On My Own." Eponine, stop whining; he's just not that into you.

Last night I watched the New York Metropolitan Opera's cinemacast production of Puccini's Turandot. Liu blatantly had a thing for Calaf, and he just wanted Turandot. Liu, sweetie, he's just not that into you.

The Girl from Ipanema is just not that into you, either.

My ex? Yeah, he's a commitment-phobic, hypochondriac loser with bad taste in music and who had outrageous expectations of dating a high-maintenance skinny bitch. If I ran into him today, I'd probably beat him into the ground and stab him with said skinny bitch's high heels.


He just wasn't that into me. And he can go suck on some big, moist, hairy, smelly donkey balls.

In each of these cases, there are disparate desires from the parties involved in the relationship, or non-relationship. What one party wants is not what the other party wants. Their goals are not the same. Their life trajectories are not the same. They’re not on the same page. Could they get onto the same page? Possibly; one can always try. However, if there's differential effort into getting onto the same page, then the one is just not that into the other.

So what do you do when it's clear that you're not on the same page and can't get on the same page? Just tell yourself, "These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along."

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