Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Thoughts before the Mariology lecture

I'm going to a lecture on Mariology in a little over an hour, so I thought I'd jot down some quick thoughts beforehand.

The four main concepts in Mariology are:

1. Mary is ever-virgin
2. Mary is the Mother of God
3. Mary is the Immaculate Conception
4. Mary was assumed into heaven

Now, the one that's been on my mind and eating at my brain the most recently is the first one, ever-virgin Mary. Why is it so important that Mary remain a virgin forever-ever? Why can't she and Joseph consummate their marriage? Why is Joseph denied sex for eternity? Why would it be heretical to say otherwise?

Mary and Joseph were fine, upstanding Jews. Fine, upstanding Jews were fruitful and multiplied. Or they tried, at least, for it is a mitzvah (good deed) for a married couple to have sex. So why the heck didn't Mary and Joseph get it on?

What if they did? Let's suppose they did. What would the harm be? That would open up the possibility that they had children, who would then be Jesus' siblings. That might establish some kind of holy bloodline whereby the descendants of Jesus are actively worshiped. (Don't even get me started on that brain-numbing fluff entitled The Da Vinci Code.) Worshiping the relatives of Jesus would diminish the worship of Jesus.

Christianity is all about obsession with who Jesus is (Messiah, Son of God, Savior), more so than what he said or did. Anything that might diminish his divinity is generally heretical.

So by keeping Mary and Joseph in their separate twin beds, that keeps them from having other children. Keeping Jesus as an only child does not dilute the worship of and devotion to him. Thus Jesus' divinity is not diminished, and crazy Christians everywhere can continue their obsession with Jesus.

And now for the kicker: Maybe Mary and Joseph were both gay.

Think about it.

Mary can still be a lesbian Jewish mom. Joseph can still be a hot gay carpenter. They certainly wouldn't have sex with each other. Maybe they were BFFs that married each other because they couldn't live their loves at the time.

Why the heck not? It solves the issues I've been having with that particular concept in Mariology.

Chapeau à mon amie AW!

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